June 19th. -- I had only got as far as the top of the stairs when the locking of Laura's door suggested to me the precaution of also locking my own door, and keeping the key safely about me while I was out of the room. My journal was already secured with other papers in the table drawer, but my writing materials were left out. These included a seal, bearing the common device of two doves drinking out of the same cup, and some sheets of blotting-paper, which had the impression on them of the closing lines of my writing in these pages traced during the past night. Distorted by the suspicion which had now become a part of myself, even such trifles as these looked too dangerous to be trusted without a guard -- even the locked table drawer seemed to be not sufficiently protected in my absence until the means of access to it had been carefully secured as well.
I found no appearance of any one having entered the room while I had been talking with Laura. My writing materials (which I had given the servant instructions never to meddle with) were scattered over the table much as usual. The only circumstance in connection with them that at all struck me was that the seal lay tidily in the tray with the Pencils and the wax.
It was not in my careless habits (l am sorry to say) to put it there, neither did I remember putting it there. But as I could not call to mind, on the other hand, where else I had thrown it down, and as I was also doubtful whether I might not for once have laid it mechanically in the right place, I abstained from adding to the perplexity with which the day's events had filled my mind by troubling it afresh about a trifle. I locked the door, put the key in my Pocket, and went downstairs.
Madame Fosco was alone in the hall looking at the weatherglass.
‘Still falling,' she said. ‘I am afraid we must expect more rain.'
Her face was composed again to its customary expression and its customary colour. But the hand with which she pointed to the dial of the weather-glass still trembled.
Could she have told her husband already that she had overheard Laura reviling him, in my company, as a ‘spy?' My strong suspicion that she must have told him, my irresistible dread (all the more overpowering from its very vagueness) of the consequences which might follow, my fixed conviction, derived from various little self-betrayals which women notice in each other, that Madame Fosco, in spite of her well-assumed external civility, had not forgiven her niece for innocently standing between her and the legacy of ten thousand pounds -- all rushed upon my mind together, all impelled me to speak in the vain hope of using my own influence and my own powers of persuasion for the atonement of Laura's offence.
‘May I trust to your kindness to excuse me, Madame Fosco, if I venture to speak to you on an exceedingly painful subject?'
She crossed her hands in front of her and bowed her head solemnly, without uttering a word, and without taking her eyes off mine for a moment.
‘When you were so good as to bring me back my handkerchief,' I went on, ‘l am very, very much afraid you must have accidentally heard Laura say something which I am unwilling to repeat, and which I will not attempt to defend. I will only venture to hope that you have not thought it of sufficient importance to be mentioned to the Count?'
‘I think it of no importance whatever,' said Madame Fosco sharply and suddenly. ‘But,' she added, resuming her icy manner in a moment, ‘I have no secrets from my husband even in trifles. When he noticed just now that I looked distressed, it was my painful duty to tell him why I was distressed, and I frankly acknowledge to you, Miss Halcombe, that I have told him.'
I was prepared to hear it, and yet she turned me cold all over when she said those words.
‘Let me earnestly entreat you, Madame Fosco -- let me earnestly entreat the Count -- to make some allowances for the sad position in which my sister is placed. She spoke while she was smarting under the insult and injustice inflicted on her by her husband, and she was not herself when she said those rash words. May I hope that they will be considerately and generously forgiven?'
‘Most assuredly,' said the Count's quiet voice behind me. He had stolen on us with his noiseless tread and his book in his hand from the library.
‘When Lady Glyde said those hasty words,' he went on, ‘she did me an injustice which I lament -- and forgive. Let us never return to the subject, Miss Halcombe; let us all comfortably combine to forget it from this moment' ‘You are very kind,' I said, ‘you relieve me inexpressibly.~''
I tried to continue, but his eyes were on me; his deadly smile that hides everything was set, hard, and unwavering on his broad, smooth face.
My distrust of his unfathomable falseness, my sense of my own degradation in stooping to conciliate his wife and himself, so disturbed and confused me, that the next words failed on my lips, and I stood there in silence.
‘I beg you on my knees to say no more, Miss Halcombe -- I am truly shocked that you should have thought it necessary to say so much.' With that polite speech he took my hand -- oh, how I despise myself! oh, how little comfort there is even in knowing that I submitted to it for Laura's sake! -- he took my hand and put it to his poisonous lips. Never did I know all my horror of him till then. That innocent familiarity turned my blood as if it had been the vilest insult that a man could offer me. Yet I hid my disgust from him -- I tried to smile -- I, who once mercilessly despised deceit in other women, was as false as the worst of them, as false as the Judas whose lips had touched my hand.
I could not have maintained my degrading self-control -- it is all that redeems me in my own estimation to know that I could not -- if he had still continued to keep his eyes on my face. His wife's tigerish jealousy came to my rescue and forced his attention away from me the moment he possessed himself of my hand. Her cold blue eyes caught light, her dull white cheeks flushed into bright colour, she looked years younger than her age in an instant.
