一位很有进取心的年轻商人建立了一支消防队，买了一辆新的消防车，并给每个队员发了制服，组织他们进行严格的训练，准备举办检阅仪式。消防车被涂上了红和黑两种颜色，十分漂亮。检阅仪式在一天下午进行，消防车被开到了河边，全镇的人都聚集起来见证这伟大的奇观。演讲和仪式都结束之后，就该是喷水表演了，但喷嘴却怎么也喷不出水来。专家和教授们想尽了一切办法，却也只是徒劳，故障依然存在。当我到达现场时，失败几乎是注定的。我对机械知识几乎一无所知，但我的直觉是空气压力出了问题。于是，我试图在水中找寻胶皮管，结果发现是胶皮管脱落了。经过一阵摸索，我终于将管子重新接好了，霎时，水便经喷嘴哗哗流出了。想也知道，当时很多人华丽的衣服都被淋湿了。阿基米德曾一丝不挂地在锡拉丘兹街头奔跑，高喊着“我想出来了”时的轰动程度恐怕也不及我那天的吧。我被人们扛在肩头，耳边是他们兴奋的欢呼声，我成了他们的大英雄。
由于为以后在学院或实科中学学习打下基础，自搬到镇上后，我就在一所所谓的师范学院开始了为期四年的学习。在此期间，顽皮的我仍制造了很多麻烦。值得一提的是，我被当地人冠以了“捕乌鸦冠军”的独特称号。我的捕捉方法十分简单，不过是事先藏在树林里的灌木丛中，然后模仿乌鸦的叫声。一般我会听到几声回应的叫声，不一会儿就会有只乌鸦振翅停在我附近的灌木丛中。之后，我要做的就是扔一块纸板分散其注意力，然后跳起来，在它逃离灌木丛之前将其捕获。我凭借此方法捕获了无数的乌鸦。但是，后来发生的一件事使得我开始敬畏起它们来。一天，我和朋友捕获了两只漂亮的乌鸦，在我们正准备离开树林的时候，几千只乌鸦突然聚集起来，将我们团团围住。我原本觉得很有意思，直到我的后脑勺被重重一击，以致摔倒在地。之后，它们开始猛烈地攻击我，我被迫放了那两只乌鸦。我急忙逃到旁边山洞，与早躲到那里的朋友会合。
我对学校里的一些机械模型十分感兴趣，最吸引我注意的是涡轮机。我也制造过许多涡轮机模型，并在操作过程中感受到了巨大的快乐。我这段时期的经历或许可以证明我人生目标的确立完全是出于偶然。我叔叔对我的这种爱好极为不满，不只一次地指责我。我读到过一篇描写尼亚加拉大瀑布的文章，并对此着迷，还想象了一幅一台巨大的涡轮机正被飞流而下的瀑布推动着的画面。我告诉叔叔，我要到美国去使这个想象变为现实。三十年后，我终于将我的想法加诸于尼亚加拉了，想象力真是神秘莫测啊。
我还做了其他的各种装置和发明，而弓弩是其中做得最好的。我的箭一射出，刹那间便从人们的视线里消失了。近距离射击的话，射穿一英寸厚的松木板也不成问题。由于持续的拉弓练习，久而久之，我的腹部便长出了一块鳄鱼皮样的皮肤，我经常怀疑，正是由于这种练习，使得我现在还可以消化小石块。
除此之外，我还有门绝技不得不提，那就是抛掷击物。凭此绝技，我定能在古希腊竞技场中令在场观众叹为观止。下面，我将讲述这令读者感到不可思议的独门绝技所产生的壮举。一天，我和叔叔在河边散步，即使这时我也记着练习绝技。夕阳西沉，鳟鱼在水中快活地嬉戏，时而从水中跃起，鱼鳞在夕阳的映照下闪闪发光，鳟鱼的轮廓在远处礁石的映衬下清晰可辨。当然，任何孩子都能在这种有利的条件下击中一条鱼，但我要进行一项艰巨的任务。我告诉叔叔，我将用石头击中鱼，让它撞到礁石上断为两截，并提醒他注意我动作的每一个细节。做的和说的一样漂亮，我分毫不差地完成了整个过程。叔叔惊愕的神情就像见着了魔鬼一般，他大声地叫道：“你这魔鬼，快滚开！”接下来的几天叔叔都没再搭理我。另外的一些丰功伟绩，都被遗忘在时光的长河里了。但是，这些荣誉够我细细回味一千年之久了。
II.My First Efforts At Invention
Ishall dwell briefly on these extraordinary experiences，on account of their possible interest to students of psychology and physiology and also because this period of agony was of the greatest consequence on my mental development and subsequent labors.But it is indispensable to first relate the circumstances and conditions which preceded them and in which might be found their partial explanation.
From childhood Iwas compelled to concentrate attention upon myself.This caused me much suffering but，to my present view，it was a blessing in disguise for it has taught me to appreciate the inestimable value of introspection in the preservation of life，as well as a means of achievement.The pressure of occupation and the incessant stream of impressions pouring into our consciousness thru all the gateways of knowledge make modern existence hazardous in many ways.Most persons are so absorbed in the contemplation of the outside world that they are wholly oblivious to what is passing on within themselves.The premature death of millions is primarily traceable to this cause.Even among those who exercise care it is a common mistake to avoid imaginary，and ignore the real dangers.And what is true of an individual also applies，more or less，to a people as a whole.
Abstinence was not always to my liking but Ifind ample reward in the agreeable experiences Iam now making.Just in the hope of converting some to my precepts and convictions Iwill recall one or two.
Ashort time ago Iwas returning to my hotel.It was a bitter cold night，the ground slippery，and no taxi to be had.Half a block behind me followed another man，evidently as anxious as myself to get under cover.Suddenly my legs went up in the air.In the same instant there was a flash in my brain，the nerves responded，the muscles contracted，Iswung thru 180degrees and landed on my hands.Iresumed my walk as tho nothing had happened when the stranger caught up with me.
"How old are you？"he asked，surveying me critically.
"Oh，about fifty-nine，"Ireplied."What of it？"
"Well，"said he，"Ihave seen a cat do this but never a man."
About a month since Iwanted to order new eyeglasses and went to an oculist who put me thru the usual tests.He looked at me incredulously as Iread off with ease the smallest print at considerable distance.But when Itold him that Iwas past sixty he gasped in astonishment.
Friends of mine often remark that my suits fit me like gloves but they do not know that all my clothing is made to measurements which were taken nearly 35years ago and never changed.During this same period my weight has not varied one pound.In this connection Imay tell a funny story.
One evening，in the winter of 1885，Mr.Edison，Edward H.Johnson，the President of the Edison Illuminating Company，Mr.Batchellor，Manager of the works，and myself entered a little place opposite 65Fifth Avenue where the offices of the company were located.Someone suggested guessing weights and Iwas induced to step on a scale.Edison felt me all over and said："Tesla weighs 152lbs.to an ounce，"and he guest it exactly.Stript Iweighed 152lbs.and that is still my weight.Iwhispered to Mr.Johnson："How is it possible that Edison could guess my weight so closely？"
"Well，"he said，lowering his voice."Iwill tell you，confidentially，but you must not say anything.He was employed for a long time in a Chicago slaughter-house where he weighed thousands of hogs every day！That"s why."
My friend，the Hon.Chauncey M.Depew，tells of an Englishman on whom he sprung one of his original anecdotes and who listened with a puzzled expression but a year later laughed out loud.Iwill frankly confess it took me longer than that to appreciate Johnson"s joke.
