I COULD have told you the start of the affair in a few lines（Armand said to me），but I wanted you to see for yourself the events and stages by which we reached the point where I agreed to everything Marguerite wanted，and Marguerite conceded that she could live only with me.
It was on the day following the evening when she had come seeking me out that I sent her Manon Lescaut.
From that moment on，since I could not alter my mistress's way of life，I altered mine.More than anything，I wanted to leave my mind with no time to dwell on the role I had just accepted，for，despite myself，I should have been very unhappy with it.And thus my life，normally so calm，suddenly took on an air of riot and chaos.You must not imagine that the love of a kept woman，however disinterested，costs nothing.Nothing costs more than the constant capricious requests for flowers，boxes at the theatre，supper parities，outings to the country which can never be denied a mistress.
As I have told you，I had no real money of my own.My father was，and still is，the District Collector of Taxes for C.He has a wide reputation for loyal service，thanks to which he was able to raise the money for the surety he had to find before taking up the post.The Collectorship brings in forty thousand francs a year and，during the ten years he has held it，he has paid off his bond and set about putting a dowry for my sister to one side.My father is the most honourable man you could hope to meet.When my mother died，she left an income of six thousand francs which he divided between my sister and myself the day he acquired the appointment for which he had canvassed；then，when I was twenty-one，he added to this small income an annual allowance of five thousand francs，and assured me that I could be very happy in Paris on eight thousand francs if，beside this income，I could establish myself in a position at the bar or in medicine.Accordingly，I came to Paris，read law，was called to the bar and，like any number of young men，put my diploma in my pocket and rather let myself drift along on the carefree life of Paris.My expenses were very modest.However，I regularly got through my year's income in eight months，and spent the four summer months at my father's place，which in all gave me twelve thousand a year and a reputation as a good son.And，moreover，I didn't owe anyone a penny.
That was how things stood with me when I met Marguerite.
You will appreciate that，in spite of my wishes，my level of expenditure rose.Marguerite's was a most capricious nature，and she was one of those women who never consider that the countless amusements of which their life is made can be a serious financial drain.As a result，since she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible，she would write me a note in the morning to say that she would have dinner with me，not in her apartment，but in some restaurant either in Paris or in the country.I would collect her，we would dine，go on to the theatre，and often have supper together，and I would spend four or five Louis on the evening.Which came to two thousand five hundred or three thousand francs a month.Which shortened my year to three and a half months，and put me in the position of either having to run up debts or to leave Marguerite.
Now I was prepared to agree to anything，except the latter possibility.
Forgive me for telling you all this in such detail，but，as you shall see，these circumstances were the cause of the events which follow.The story I tell is true and ******，and I have allowed the unvarnished facts to stand and the onward march of events to emerge unobstructed.
I realized therefore that，since nothing in the world could weigh heavily enough with me to make me forget my mistress，I should have to find a way of meeting the expense which she forced me to incur.Furthermore，love had run such riot in me that every moment I spent away from Marguerite seemed like a year，and I felt the need to pass those moments through the flame of some passion or other，and to live them so fast so fast that I would not notice that I was living them at all.
I set about borrowing five or six thousand francs against my small capital and began to play the tables，for since the gambling houses were shut down，people have been gambling everywhere.Time was，when you went to Frascati，you stood a chance of winning a fortune：you played against a bank and，if you lost，you had the consolation of telling yourself you might have won.Whereas nowadays，except in the gaming clubs where you still find they are pretty strict about paying up，you can be fairly sure that if you win a large sum you won't see a penny of if.You will readily understand the reasons why.
Gambling is only for young men who have expensive tastes and not enough money to keep up the kind of lives they lead.So they gamble and，in the natural way of things，this is the result：they may win，and then the losers are expected to foot the bill for these gentlemen's horses and mistresses，which is thoroughly disagreeable.Debts are contracted，and friendships begun around the gaming table end in quarrels from which honour and lives invariably emerge somewhat tattered.And if you are a gentleman，you may find you have been ruined by very gentlemanly young men whose only fault was that they did not have two hundred thousand francs a year.
There is no need for me to tell you about the ones who cheat.One day，you learn that they have had to go away and that-too late-judgement has been passed on them.
I accordingly threw myself into the fast-moving，bustling，volcanic life which once upon a time had frightened me when I thought of it，and which had now come to be in my eyes the inescapable corollary of my love for Marguerite.What else could I have done？
