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第20章 Th e Lang uage o f Compromis e(2)

Natasha is white and her husband is black. What does that make their sonMarcus? The high rates of inter -racial marriages and a growing number of mixed racechildren they produce have recently forced the federal government to rethink the typesof racial classifications it will use in its year 2000 census. Under the pressure frommixed-race Americans and their parents,the census bureau changed its rules to allowpeople to identify themselves by as many as five official racial categories. Manyschools and offices add a new racial category marked “ multi-racial ” to theirapplications and other forms.

As racial concepts in American grow increasingly fluid,it is hard to tell how thechildren of inter -racial union will identify themselves in the future.

C. Post -r eading a ctivity

Figure out the meaning of the italicized words:

1. In Washington D. C. ,a couple like Pakistani-born Jerry Sequeira and his Spanishbornwife Pilar do not turn any heads.

2. It turns out that culturally we are more similar than different in the emphasis on thefamily and get-together and big meals and doing family things and all of yourrelatives and your extended family. And for instance,her family was just visitingfor Christmas and we got along great. And last Christmas we were in Spain and Ifit right in. So there are actually fewer differences culturally than we would havethought.

3. Marriages between people of European and Asian descent are very common in theUnited States. But the most common inter-racial marriages in this country arebetween Hispanics and whites.

4.“ Well,I??ll be very candid. My mom would not have been happy. She justwouldn??t have been. I think she is racist,even though she says she is not,but itwould have been trouble and we would have attracted a lot of attention inMexico. ”

5. While marriages between white people and Asians,Hispanics and even nativeAmericans flourish,not all American are equally open to the ideal of a black andwhite marriage. Indeed,in this picture of racial and ethnic melding ( ) ,African Americans are noticeably under -represented ( ) . According tothe 1990 census,fewer than one in 10 black men and one in 25 black women,aged 25 to 34,take white spouses( ) .

Ⅳ. Fast Read in g

In this part,you are required to read three passages and choose the best answersto the questions after each passage,using the skill you have just learned.

( 1) Couples and Communication

A woman came to a divorce attorney. “ Do you have grounds?” the attorneyasked. “Oh yes,we have half an acre. ”The lawyer paused,then continued. “Doyou have a grudge? ” The woman responded,“ Oh no,we have a carport. ” Indesperation,the attorney plunged ahead,asking,“ Does he beat you up? ” Sheimmediately responded,“ Oh no,I always get up earlier than he does. ” Inexasperation,the lawyer shouted,“Madam,exactly why do you want a divorce? ”

Innocently she replied,“Because it??s impossible to communicate with him! ”

Most of us at some point struggle with communication in our relationships. Andif we??re honest with ourselves,most of the time we think that if only the other personcould communicate better ,everything would be fine. But relationships require theefforts of both parties to remain satisfying. Good relationships rarely just happen.

Even when they seem to start off effortlessly,they change over time,as each partner??sneeds and interests evolve. Successful relationships are those where both partners arehelping each other meet these ever changing goals.

Counselors often ask couples to recall what first attracted them to each other.

Losing track of these foundations takes away from the relationship. Often couplescome together because they see in the other qualities which are lacking in themselves.

Later,precisely because these qualities are different from their own,they become thesource of ir rita tion and tension. Thus,the spouse who initially valued the quietstrength of the other begins to resent the lack of talkativeness and limited need forsocializing.

What was once attractive becomes annoying and is taken as a personal a ffront.Too often it is easier to blame the other than look at one??s own blind spots andchanging expectations. Sometimes we think we are communicating when really we areevaluating and judging.

Couples can always learn new and better ways to listen and communicate. Of course it??s best to start out with good skills in these areas,but the fact is,few folkshave them. We never received the instruction booklet! And you can??t teach old dogsnew tricks. Older couples often surprise themselves with the rapid improvements theymake.

Some basic guidelines for couples who want to communicate more effectivelyinclude:

Set aside a specific time to talk and keep it brief ,not open-ended.

Ask questions aimed at understanding,not at judging.

Don??t make assumptions; check out everything. Don??t mind-read or tell theother what they are thinking or feeling.

Start your sentences with the word“ I”,not“ you”.

Remind each other that your goal is to strengthen the relationship. Remember

you are both on the same side - that of your bond.

Don??t try tackling several subjects at once. It confuses the issue.

Don??t bring other people into the discussion. What they think is not the point.

Thank the other person for trying and caring enough to set the time aside.

If your own attempts to improve communication are repeatedly unsuccessful,perhaps it??s time to consult a counselor . Many times a partner who is initiallyunwilling to go with you will respond positively to changes they see in you and mayfeel more comfortable joining you later. Don??t give up.

1. A woman came to a divorce attorney. “ Do you have grounds? ” the attorneyasked.“Oh yes,we have half an acre. ”The lawyer paused,then continued.“Doyou have a grudge? ”The woman responded,“Oh no,we have a carport. ”Indesperation,the attorney plunged ahead,asking,“Does he beat you up?”

A. judgment B. resentment C. porridge D. gruel

2. But relationships require the efforts of both parties to remain satisfying. Goodrelationships rarely just happen. Even when they seem to start off effortlessly,theychange over time,as each partner??s needs and interests evolve.

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