Not, however, all evil, as I am proud to think, has been the influence of the Snob of England upon Clubs in general:--Captain Shindy is afraid to bully the waiters any more, and eats his mutton-chop without moving Acheron.Gobemouche does not take more than two papers at a time for his private reading.Tiggs does not ring the bell and cause the library-waiter to walk about a quarter of a mile in order to give him Vol.II., which lies on the next table.Growler has ceased to walk from table to table in the coffee-room, and inspect what people are having for dinner.Trotty Veck takes his own umbrella from the hall--the cotton one; and Sydney Scraper's paletot lined with silk has been brought back by Jobbins, who entirely mistook it for his own.Wiggle has discontinued telling stories about the ladies he has killed.Snooks does not any more think it gentlemanlike to blackball attorneys.Snuffler no longer publicly spreads out his great red cotton pocket-handkerchief before the fire, for the admiration of two hundred gentlemen; and if one Club Snob has been brought back to the paths of rectitude, and if one poor John has been spared a journey or a scolding--say, friends and brethren if these sketches of Club Snobs have been in vain?
CONCLUDING OBSERVATIONS ON SNOBS
How it is that we have come to No.45 of this present series of papers, my dear friends and brother Snobs, Ihardly know--but for a whole mortal year have we been together, prattling, and abusing the human race; and were we to live for a hundred years more, I believe there is plenty of subject for conversation in the enormous theme of Snobs.
The national mind is awakened to the subject.Letters pour in every day, conveying marks of sympathy; directing the attention of the Snob of England to races of Snobs yet undescribed.'Where are your Theatrical Snobs; your Commercial Snobs; your Medical and Chirurgical Snobs;your Official Snobs; your Legal Snobs; your Artistical Snobs; your Musical Snobs; your Sporting Snobs?' write my esteemed correspondents.'Surely you are not going to miss the Cambridge Chancellor election, and omit showing up your Don Snobs, who are coming, cap in hand, to a young Prince of six-and-twenty, and to implore him to be the chief of their renowned University?' writes a friend who seals with the signet of the Cam and Isis Club.
'Pray, pray,' cries another, 'now the Operas are opening, give us a lecture about Omnibus Snobs.' Indeed, I should like to write a chapter about the Snobbish Dons very much, and another about the Snobbish Dandies.Of my dear Theatrical Snobs I think with a pang; and I can hardly break away from some Snobbish artists, with whom I have long, long intended to have a palaver.
But what's the use of delaying? When these were done there would be fresh Snobs to pourtray.The labour is endless.No single man could complete it.Here are but fifty-two bricks--and a pyramid to build.It is best to stop.As Jones always quits the room as soon as he has said his good thing,--as Cincinnatus and General Washington both retired into private life in the height of their popularity,--as Prince Albert, when he laid the first stone of the Exchange, left the bricklayers to complete that edifice and went home to his royal dinner,--as the poet Bunn comes forward at the end of the season, and with feelings too tumultuous to describe, blesses his KYIND friends over the footlights: so, friends, in the flush of conquest and the splendour of victory, amid the shouts and the plaudits of a people--triumphant yet modest--the Snob of England bids ye farewell.
But only for a season.Not for ever.No, no.There is one celebrated author whom I admire very much--who has been taking leave of the public any time these ten years in his prefaces, and always comes back again when everybody is glad to see him.How can he have the heart to be saying good-bye so often? I believe that Bunn is affected when he blesses the people.Parting is always painful.Even the familiar bore is dear to you.Ishould be sorry to shake hands even with Jawkins for the last time.I think a well-constituted convict, on coming home from transportation, ought to be rather sad when he takes leave of Van Diemen's Land.When the curtain goes down on the last night of a pantomime, poor old clown must be very dismal, depend on it.Ha! with what joy he rushes forward on the evening of the 26th of December next, and says--'How are you?--Here we are!' But I am growing too sentimental:--to return to the theme.
THE NATIONAL MIND IS AWAKENED TO THE SUBJECT OF SNOBS.
The word Snob has taken a place in our honest English vocabulary.We can't define it, perhaps.We can't say what it is, any more than we can define wit, or humour, or humbug; but we KNOW what it is.Some weeks since, happening to have the felicity to sit next to a young lady at a hospitable table, where poor old Jawkins was holding forth in a very absurd pompous manner, I wrote upon the spotless damask 'S--B,' and called my neighbour's attention to the little remark.
That young lady smiled.She knew it at once.Her mind straightway filled up the two letters concealed by apostrophic reserve, and I read in her assenting eyes that she knew Jawkins was a Snob.You seldom get them to make use of the word as yet, it is true; but it is inconceivable how pretty an expression their little smiling mouths assume when they speak it out.If any young lady doubts, just let her go up to her own room, look at herself steadily in the glass, and say 'Snob.'
If she tries this ****** experiment, my life for it, she will smile, and own that the word becomes her mouth amazingly.A pretty little round word, all composed of soft letters, with a hiss at the beginning, just to make it piquant, as it were.
