"And you seem to thrive on it."
"Vell, it does not destroy ze appetite," the Baron admitted; "and it is my duty so to live at Fogelschloss, and I alvays vish to do my duty. But, ach, sometimes I do vant to kick ze trace!"
"You mean you would want to if it were not for the Baroness?"
Bunker smiled whimsically; but his friend continued as simply serious as ever.
"Alicia is ze most divine woman in ze world--I respect her, Bonker, I love her, I gonsider her my better angel; but even in Heaven, I suppose, peoples sometimes vould enjoy a stroll in Piccadeelly, or in some vay to exercise ze legs and shout mit excitement. No doubt you zink it unaccountable and strange--pairhaps ungrateful of me, eh?"
"On the contrary, I feel as I should if I feared this cigar had gone out and then found it alight after all."
"You say so! Ah, zen I will have more boldness to confess my heart! Bonker, ven I did land in England ze leetle thought zat vould rise vas--'Ze land of ******* vunce again! Here shall I not have to be alvays ze Baron von Blitzenberg, oldest noble in Bavaria, hereditary carpet-beater to ze Court! I vill disguise and go mit old Bonker for a frolic!' "
"You touch my tenderest chord, Baron!"
"Goot, goot, my friend!" cried the Baron, warming to his work of confession like a penitent whose absolution is promised in advance; "you speak ze vords I love to hear! Of course I vould not be vicked, and I vould not disgrace myself; but I do need a leetle exercise. Is it possible?"
Essington sprang up and enthusiastically shook his hand.
"Dear Baron, you come like a ray of sunshine through a London fog--like a moulin rouge alighting in Carlton House Terrace! I thought my own leaves were yellowing; I now perceive that was only an autumnal change. Spring has returned, and I feel like a green bay tree!"
"Hoch, hoch!" roared the Baron, to the great surprise of two Cabinet Ministers and a Bishop who were taking tea at the other side of the room. "Vat shall ve do to show zere is no sick feeling?"
"H'm," reflected Essington, with a comical look.
"There's a lot of scaffolding at the bottom of St.
James's Street. Should we have it down to-night? Or what do you say to a packet of dynamite in the two-penny tube?"
The Baron sobered down a trifle.
"Ach, not so fast, not qvite so fast, dear Bonker.
Remember I must not get into troble at ze embassy."
"My dear fellow, that's your pull. Foreign diplomatists are police-proof!"
"Ah, but my wife!"
"One stormy hour--then tears and forgiveness!"
The Baron lowered his voice.
"Her mozzer vill visit us next veek. I loff and respect Lady Grillyer; but I should not like to have to ask her for forgiveness."
"Yes, she has rather an uncompromising nose, so far as I remember."
"It is a kind nose to her friends, Bonker," the Baron explained, "but severe towards----"
"Myself, for instance," laughed Essington. "Well, what do you suggest?"
"First, zat you dine mit me to-night. No, I vill take no refusal! Listen! I am now meeting a distinguished person on important international business--do you pairceive? Ha, ha, ha! To-night it vill be necessary ve most dine togezzer. I have an engagement, but he can be put off for soch a great person as the man I am now meeting at ze club! You vill gom?"
"I should have been delighted--only unluckily I have a man dining with me. I tell you what! You come and join us! Will you?"
"If zat is ze only vay--yes, mit pleasure! Who is ze man?"
"Young Tulliwuddle. Do you remember going to a dance at Lord Tulliwuddle's, some five and a half years ago?"
"Himmel! Ha, ha! Vell do I remember!"
"Well, our host of that evening died the other day, and this fellow is his heir--a second or third cousin whose existence was so displeasing to the old peer that he left him absolutely nothing that wasn't entailed, and never said 'How-do-you-do?' to him in his life. In consequence, he may not entertain you as much as I should like."
"If he is your friend, I shall moch enjoy his society!"
"I am flattered, but hardly convinced. Tulliwuddle's intellect is scarcely of the sparkling kind. However, come and try."
The hour, the place, were arranged; a reminiscence or two exchanged; fresh suggestions thrown out for the rejuvenation of a Bavarian magnate; another baronial laugh shook the foundations of the club; and then, as the afternoon was wearing on, the Baron hailed a cab and galloped for Belgrave Square, and the late Mr. Bunker sauntered off along Pall Mall.
"Who can despair of human nature while the Baron von Blitzenberg adorns the earth?" he reflected. "The discovery of champagne and the invention of summer holidays were minor events compared with his descent from Olympus!"
He bought a button-hole at the street corner and cocked his hat, more airily than ever.
"A volcanic eruption may inspire one to succor humanity, a wedding to condole with it, and a general election to warn it of its folly; but the Baron inspires one to amuse!"
Meanwhile that Heaven-sent nobleman, with a manner enshrouded in mystery, was comforting his wife.
"Ah, do not grieve, mine Alicia! No doubt ze Duke vill be disappointed not to see us to-night, but I have telegraphed. Ja, I have said I had so important an affair. Ach, do not veep! I did not know you wanted so moch to dine mit ze old Duke. I sopposed you vould like a quiet evening at home. But anyhow I have now telegraphed--and my leetle dinner mit my friend--Ach, it is so important zat I most rosh and get dressed.
Cheer up, my loff! Good-by!"
He paused in answer to a tearful question.
"His name? Alas, I have promised not to say. You vould not have a European war by my indiscretion?"
