XII.
NOVEMBER 6.
AUNTY has put me in the way of doing that.I could not tell her the whole story, of course, but I made her understand that Ernest needed money for a generous purpose, and that I wanted to help him in it.
She said the children needed both music and drawing lessons, and that she should be delighted if I would take them in hand.Aunty does not care a fig for accomplishments, but I think I am right in accepting her offer, as the children ought to learn to sing and to play and to draw.Of course I cannot have them come here, as Ernest's father could not bear the noise they would make; besides, I want to take him by surprise, and keep the whole thing a secret.
Nov.14.-I have seen by the way Martha draws down the corners of her mouth of late, that I am unusually out of favor with her.This evening, Ernest, coming home quite late, found me lolling back in my chair, idling, after a hard day's work with my little cousins, and Martha sewing nervously away at the rate of ten knots an hour, which is the first pun I ever made.
"Why will you sit up and sew at such a rate, Martha?" he asked.
She twitched at her thread, broke it, and began with a new one before she replied.
"I suppose you find it convenient to have a whole shirt to your back."I saw then that she was ****** his shirts! It made me both hot and cold at once.What must Ernest think of me?
It is plain enough what he thinks of her, for he said, quite warmly, for him--"This is really too kind."
What right has she to prowl round among Ernest's things and pry into the state of his wardrobe? If I had not had my time so broken up with giving lessons, I should have found out that he needed new shirts and set to work on them.Though I must own I hate shirt-******.I could not help showing that I felt aggrieved.Martha defended herself by saying that she knew young people would be young people, and would gad about, shirts or no shirts.Now it is not her fault that she thinks I waste my time gadding about, but I am just as angry with her as if she did.Oh, why couldn't I have had Helen, to be a pleasant companion and friend to me, instead of this old-well I won't say what.
And really, with so much to make me happy, what would become of me if I had no trials?
Nov.15.-To-day Martha has a house-cleaning mania, and has dragged me into it by representing the sin and misery of those deluded mortals who think servants know how to sweep and to scrub.In spite of my resolution not to get under her thumb, I have somehow let her rule and reign over me to such an extent that I can hardly sit up long enough to write this.Does the whole duty of woman consist in keeping her house distressingly clean and prim; in ****** and baking and preserving and pickling; in climbing to the top shelves of closets lest haply a little dust should lodge there, and getting down on her hands and knees to inspect the carpet? The truth is there is not one point of sympathy between Martha and myself, not one.One would think that our love to Ernest would furnish it.But her love aims at the abasement of his character and mine at its elevation.She thinks Ishould bow down to and worship him, jump up and offer him my chair when he comes in, feed him with every unwholesome dainty he fancies, and feel myself honored by his acceptance of these services.I think it is for him to rise and offer me a seat, because I am a woman and his wife; and that a silly subservience on my part is degrading to him and to myself.And I am afraid I make known these sentiments to her in a most unpalatable way.
Nov.18.-Oh, I am so happy that I sing for joy! Dear Ernest has given me such a delightful surprise! He says he has persuaded James to come and spend his college days here, and finally study medicine with him.Dear, darling old James! He is to be here to-morrow.He is to have the little hall bedroom fitted up for him, and he will be here several years.Next to having mother, this is the nicest thing that could happen.We love each other so dearly, and get along so beautifully together I wonder how he'll like Martha with her grim ways, and Ernest's father with his melancholy ones.
Nov.30.-James has come, and the house already seems lighter and cheerier.He is not in the least annoyed by Martha or her father, and though he is as jovial as the day is long, they actually seem to like him.True to her theory on the subject, Martha invariably rises at his entrance, and offers him her seat! He pretends not to see it, and runs to get one for her! Then she takes comfort in seeing him consume her good things, since his gobbling them down is a sort of tacit tribute to their merits.
Mrs.Embury was here to-day.She says there is not much the matter with Ernest's father, that he has only got the hypo.I don't know exactly what this is, but I believe it is thinking something is the matter with you when there isn't.At any rate I put it to you, my dear old journal, whether it is pleasant to live with people who behave in this way?
