A room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH FALSTAFF Bardolph, I say,-- BARDOLPH Here, sir. FALSTAFF Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't.
Exit BARDOLPH
Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a blind *****'s puppies, fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. Ihad been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been when Ihad been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.
Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack BARDOLPH Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you. FALSTAFF Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. BARDOLPH Come in, woman!
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY MISTRESS QUICKLY By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good morrow. FALSTAFF Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of sack finely. BARDOLPH With eggs, sir? FALSTAFF Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.
Exit BARDOLPH
How now! MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford. FALSTAFF Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough;I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford. MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:
she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection. FALSTAFF So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you. FALSTAFF Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. MISTRESS QUICKLY I will tell her. FALSTAFF Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou? MISTRESS QUICKLY Eight and nine, sir. FALSTAFF Well, be gone: I will not miss her. MISTRESS QUICKLY Peace be with you, sir.
Exit FALSTAFF I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.
