The Art of Forgiveness
宽恕的艺术
To forgive may be divine， but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you， it can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudge. But forgiveness is possible - and it can be surprisingly beneficial to your physical and mental health.
宽恕是神圣的，但是没有人说很容易做到宽恕别人。当你被深深伤害的时候，想要不怀恨在心是很难做到的。但是宽恕是可能的——而且这会给你的身心健康带来出乎意料的益处。
“People who forgive show less depression， anger and stress and more hopefulness，” says Frederic， Ph.D.， author of Forgive for Good. “So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs， reduce the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more vital.”
《宽恕的好处》一书的作者弗雷德里克博士说。 “懂得宽恕的人不会感到那么沮丧、愤怒和紧张，他们总是充满希望。所以宽恕有助于减少人体各种器官的损耗，降低免疫系统的疲劳程度并使人精力更加充沛。”
So how do you start the healing？ Try following these steps：
那么，如何恢复自己的情绪呢？试试下面的一些步骤吧：
Calm yourself. To defuse your anger， try a simple stressmanagement technique. “Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure： a beautiful scene in nature， someone you love，” Frederic says.
让自己冷静下来。尝试一种简单的减压技巧来缓解你愤怒的情绪。弗雷德里克建议：“做几次深呼吸，然后想想那些令你快乐的事情，比如自然界的美丽景色，或者你爱的人。”
Don，t wait for an apology. “Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing，” Frederic says. “They may have wanted to hurt you or they just don，t see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize， you could be waiting an awfully long time.” Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of his or her action.
不要等别人来道歉。弗雷德里克说：“许多时候，伤害你的人没有想过要道歉。他们可能是故意的，也可能只是和你看待事物的方式不一样。所以如果你等着别人来道歉，你可能会等相当长的时间。”你要牢记，宽恕并不一定意味着顺从那些让你心烦意乱的人，也不意味着饶恕他或她的行为。
Take the control away from your offender. Mentally replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. “Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings， learn to look for the love， beauty and kindness around you，” Frederic says.
不要让冒犯你的人控制你的情绪。内心里总是想着自己的伤痛，只会给伤害你的人打气。弗雷德里克说：“与其老是关注自己受到的伤害，还不如学着去寻找你身边的真善美。”
Try to see things from the other person，s perspective. If you empathize with that person， you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance， fear - even love. To gain perspective， you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender，s point of view.
试着从别人的角度来看问题。如果你站在别人的立场上，你也许会意识到他或她是因为无知、害怕、甚至是爱才那样做的。为了能够站在别人的角度来看问题，你可以从冒犯你的人的立场给你自己写一封信。
Recognize the benefits of forgiveness. Research has shown that people who forgive report more energy， better appetite and better sleep patterns.
认识到宽恕的益处。研究表明懂得宽恕的人精力更旺盛、食欲更好、睡觉更香。
Don，t forget to forgive yourself. “For some people， forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge，” Frederic says. “But it can rob you of your selfconfidence if you don，t do it.”
不要忘了宽恕自己。弗雷德里克说：“对于有些人来说，宽恕自己才是最大的挑战。但是如果你不宽恕自己，你会失去自信。”
Why We Love Who We Love
爱我所爱
Have you ever known a married couple that just didn，t seem as though they should fit together - yet they are both happy in the marriage， and you can，t figure out why？
你见过这样的夫妻吗？——两个人看上去并不般配，婚姻生活却很幸福。这令你百思不得其解。
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person， while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer？
是什么神秘的力量让我们投入一个人的怀抱，却疏远另一个在公平的旁观者眼中同样优秀的人呢？
Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate， one of the most telling is our “love map” - a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color， in voice， smell， body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us， whether it，s the warm and friendly type or the strong， silent type.
我们心目中的理想伴侣形象受到诸多因素的影响，其中最明显的因素之一就是“爱情图谱”——即我们脑中存在的一组描述个人喜好的编码。它表现出我们对头发和眼睛的颜色、声音、气味和身材的偏好，同时也记录了我们所感兴趣的性格类型，不管是温柔友善的，还是坚强沉默的。
In short， we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. And this love map is largely determined in childhood. By age eight， the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
简而言之，我们钟情于或追求那些最符合我们“爱情图谱”的人。这个“爱情图谱”主要是在童年时代形成的。我们在八岁的时候，理想伴侣的样子就已经开始在大脑中漂浮。
Researchers find that that there are many similarities between our ideal mates and our moms. Yes， our mothers - the first real love of our lives - write a significant portion of our love map.
研究者们发现我们理想中的伴侣和我们的母亲有很多相似之处。是的，母爱——我们生命中的第一份真爱——在我们的“爱情图谱”上划了浓重的一笔。
When we，re little， our mother is the center of our attention， and we are the center of hers. So our mother，s characteristics leave an indelible impression， and we are forever attracted to people with her facial features， body type， personality， even sense of humor.
小时候，母亲是我们关注的中心，我们也是她关注的中心，所以母亲的性格给我们留下了不可磨灭的印象。我们永远都会被那些和母亲有着同样的容貌、体形、性格、甚至幽默感的人所吸引。
The mother has an additional influence on her sons： she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate， but also affects how they feel about women in general.
母亲对儿子的影响力更大：她不仅向儿子暗示伴侣具有哪些吸引力，而且还影响了他们对女性的总体印象。
Just as mothers influence their son，s general feelings toward women， fathers influence their daughter，s general feelings about men.
正如母亲会影响儿子对女性的整体感觉一样，父亲也影响女儿对男性的整体感觉。
In addition， most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town； our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people， and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.
除此之外，我们大多数人在具有类似社会背景的人群中长大。我们总是和来自同一个城镇的人聚在一起；我们的朋友有着几乎相同的教育背景和职业志向。和这些人在一起，我们感觉最舒服，因此我们倾向于和那些家庭情况与自己相似的人接触。
What about opposites？ Are they really attracted to each other？ Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people， for example， are usually drawn to a partner who，s equally attractive.
如果两个人的情况完全相反会怎么样呢？他们真的相互吸引吗？是，也可能不是。在很多方面，我们想找另外一个自己。举例来说，外表迷人的人通常容易被具有同样魅力的同伴吸引。
